How to Feel Safe in a Body That Feels Unsafe After Loss

For many people, grief doesn’t just live in the heart—it lives in the body. After a death, you might feel disconnected from yourself. Numb. Jittery. Raw. You might not even recognize the way your body responds anymore.

This is especially true if the loss was traumatic or sudden, or if your relationship with the person who died was complicated. When the world turns upside down, your nervous system often does too.

So how do you feel safe again in a body that feels unsafe? Gently. Slowly. With care.

Why Grief Can Make the Body Feel Unsafe

Your body holds the story of your loss. It remembers where you were when you got the news. It remembers the shock, the tension, the helplessness. It remembers what it was like to say goodbye—or to never get the chance.

When the nervous system is overwhelmed, it tends to respond in two main ways:

• Hyperarousal (fight/flight): You may feel restless, jumpy, panicked, or unable to settle.
• Hypoarousal (freeze/collapse): You may feel foggy, detached, exhausted, or like you’re watching life from far away.

You Might Notice…

• Feeling numb or “outside” your body
• Trouble breathing deeply
• Avoiding physical sensations (hunger, fatigue, pain)
• Touch feeling overwhelming—or totally absent
• A sense of being unsafe, even if you’re physically secure

Coming Home to Your Body: Practices to Try

• Uncertainty about the future
• Loss of identity or role (“Who am I now without them?”)
• Changes in daily routine or safety
• Unresolved past losses resurfacing

Anxiety is your brain’s way of trying to create certainty in a situation where everything feels out of control.

How to Support Yourself When Grief Feels Like Anxiety

The goal isn’t to force anything. It’s to slowly remind your body: It’s okay to be here. It’s okay to feel. That might not happen all at once—and that’s okay too.

1. Ground Through the Senses

• Touch something soft, warm, or textured.
• Light a candle and watch the flame.
• Hold a warm drink and feel the heat in your hands.

2. Orient to the Room

• Look around slowly. Name five things you see.
• Turn your head gently to the left and right, as if scanning your environment.
• This tells your brain: I’m not in danger right now.

3. Try Gentle Touch

• Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.
• Try a slow, self-soothing stroke on your arm or shoulder.
• If touch feels like too much, press your feet firmly into the ground.

4. Let Movement Meet Emotion

• If you feel frozen, try shaking out your hands.
• If you feel agitated, sway or rock side to side.
• Grief is energy. Let it move through.

5. Use Anchoring Language

• “This is my hand. This is my breath. This is now.”
• “I am here. I am safe. I am allowed to feel this.”
• Simple, repetitive phrases help settle the nervous system.

6. Be in Safe Company

• Co-regulation with another calm nervous system can be incredibly powerful.
• If possible, let someone sit with you, hold your hand, or simply witness you.

Safety Comes in Moments, Not Perfection

You don’t have to feel safe all the time. Just for a moment. And then another. And then another. These moments build on each other—like breadcrumbs back to yourself.

Grief changes your relationship with your body. But that relationship can be repaired. Not by overriding your pain—but by walking with it, gently, one breath at a time.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck in your nervous system, or unsure how to begin healing, you don’t have to do it alone.

Book a free consultation to explore grief therapy and receive support that meets you right where you are—in your body, in your story, in your loss.

If you’re looking for support, I offer compassionate grief therapy to help you move through this season of change while honoring your body’s needs.

Book a free consultation here.

Here are some questions you might want to ask in a therapy consultation.

Here’s how you can prepare for a consultation.