Anticipatory Grief: When You’re Losing Someone Slowly

Grief doesn’t only begin after a death. Sometimes, it begins the moment you realize someone you love is dying.

It’s the quiet ache that rises during a hospital visit. The tears that come after a moment of clarity, then confusion. The way your body flinches when the phone rings. The constant, heavy knowing that life is changing—and there’s no stopping it.

This is called anticipatory grief, and it’s real. It’s valid. And it deserves care.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is the emotional process of grieving someone before they die. It often shows up when a loved one receives a terminal diagnosis or when their health begins to decline in a way that feels irreversible.

You might be:

• Caring for a parent or partner with dementia, cancer, or another life-limiting illness
• Watching someone fade slowly, bit by bit, while still showing up for them every day
• Mourning the person they were, even while they’re still physically here
• In short, your body is looking for danger—because danger already found you.

It’s grief in real time. And it’s complex.

How It Can Feel

Anticipatory grief often includes:

• Waves of sadness, guilt, or fear that seem to come out of nowhere
• Feeling disconnected or emotionally distant as a form of self-protection
• Anger or resentment toward the person who’s dying—or the situation
• Anxiety about what’s coming and helplessness about what’s already here
• A desire to make the most of the time you have, mixed with the urge to shut down

It can feel confusing because the person is still alive. Others might not understand what you’re going through. You might feel pressure to “stay strong” or “be present,” even as your own heart is breaking.

Why It’s So Hard—and So Normal

Caring for someone who is dying often requires deep emotional labor. You’re navigating love, grief, caretaking, and uncertainty all at once.

You’re preparing for a loss without a clear timeline. That’s incredibly taxing on your nervous system—and on your spirit.

You may notice:

• Trouble sleeping or relaxing, even in quiet moments
• Emotional numbness or overwhelm
• Hypervigilance about signs their health is changing
• A sense of guilt about grieving “too early”

You’re not too early. You’re right on time—for your body, your heart, your connection.

How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Them

Anticipatory grief asks a lot of us. But it doesn’t mean you have to carry it alone.

Here are some ways to stay grounded:

1. Acknowledge What’s True

• Let yourself name what’s happening: “I’m grieving, even though they’re still here.”
• Honesty makes space for real emotional processing.

2. Let the Moments Matter

• Not every day will be meaningful—and that’s okay.
• But when a moment is beautiful, let yourself feel it fully.

3. Create Space for Your Grief

• Journal. Cry. Walk. Breathe. Talk to someone who gets it.
• You don’t need to bottle it up to be strong.

4. Rest When You Can

• Your nervous system is under strain. Rest is resistance. Rest is grief care.

5. Ask for Support

• Whether from friends, a therapist, or a care team, you don’t have to do this alone.
• Witnessing someone’s decline is a sacred task—and a heavy one.

You’re Grieving Because This Person Means Something to You. 

Anticipatory grief is about preparing for goodbye.
It doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It doesn’t mean you care any less.
It means your heart knows what’s coming—and is trying, in its own way, to survive it.

If you’re in the thick of this kind of grief, I’d be honored to support you.

Book a free consultation to talk about what you’re holding—and how I can help you hold it with more steadiness, softness, and support.

You don’t have to do this alone.

If you’re looking for support, I offer compassionate  therapy to help you move through this season of change while honoring your body’s needs.

Book a free consultation here.

Here are some questions you might want to ask in a therapy consultation.

Here’s how you can prepare for a consultation.